Fear of Rejection

I always wonder about what I am going to lecture about and it never fails it is presented to me. My Spirit guides work just like I do and they always wait until the last moment and that is what I love about them. They are so much like me-even with a sense of humor- even in times of pain.

Rejection- Google says rejection is a noun the dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc. synonyms: refusal, declining, turning down, dismissal, spurning More the spurning of a person's affections. (Spurning means- eject with disdain or contempt). "some people are reluctant to try it, because they fear rejection"

So the Fear of Rejection: How do you deal with it- are your fears real? Rejection- we all experience it everyday- especially with Social Media- Rejections are the most common emotional trauma we experience everyday. Today, thanks to electronic communications, social media platforms and dating apps, each of us is connected to thousands of people, any of whom might ignore our posts, chats, texts, or dating profiles, and leave us feeling rejected as a result. Of course there are other rejections- when we get When our spouse leaves us, when we get fired from our jobs, snubbed by our friends, or ostracized by our families and communities for our lifestyle choices. The pain is horrible. Rejection always hurts- and normally , and it usually hurts more than we expect it to.

The question is, why? Why are we so bothered by a good friend failing to “like us on Facebook- Why does it ruin our mood? Why would something so seemingly insignificant make us feel angry at our friend, moody, and bad about ourselves? Normally the greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further.

Psychologist Guy Winch- Check him out on You Tube The answer is — our brains are wired to respond that way. When scientists placed people in functional MRI machines and asked them to recall a recent rejection, they discovered something amazing. The same areas of our brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. That’s why even small rejections hurt more than we think they should, because they elicit literal (albeit, emotional) pain. But why is our brain wired this way? Evolutionary psychologists believe it all started when we were hunter gatherers who lived in tribes. Since we could not survive alone, being ostracized from our tribe was basically a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being “kicked off the island” by our tribemates — and that was rejection. People who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior, remain in the tribe, and pass along their genes.

Of course, emotional pain is only one of the ways rejections impact our well-being. Rejections also damage our mood and our self-esteem, they elicit swells of anger and aggression, and they destabilize our need to “belong.” Unfortunately, the greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Indeed, our natural response to being dumped by a dating partner or getting picked last for a team is not just to lick our wounds but to become intensely self-critical. We call ourselves names, lament our shortcomings, and feel disgusted with ourselves. In other words, just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further. Doing so is emotionally unhealthy and psychologically self-destructive yet every single one of us has done it at one time or another. How can we fix it: Have Zero Tolerance for Self-Criticism Tempting as it might be to list all your faults in the aftermath of a rejection, and natural as it might seem to chastise yourself for what you did “wrong” — don’t! By all means review what happened and consider what you should do differently in the future, but there is absolutely no good reason to be punitive and self-critical while doing so. Thinking, “I should probably avoid talking about my ex on my next first date,” is fine. Thinking, “I’m such a loser!” is not.

Another common mistake we make is to assume a rejection is personal when it’s not. Most rejections, whether romantic, professional, and even social, are due to “fit” and circumstance. Going through an exhaustive search of your own deficiencies in an effort to understand why it didn’t “work out” is not only unnecessarily but misleading.

Revive Your Self-Worth When your self-esteem takes a hit it’s important to remind yourself of what you have to offer (as opposed to listing your shortcomings). The best way to boost feelings of self-worth after a rejection is to affirm aspects of yourself you know are valuable. Make a list of five qualities you have that are important or meaningful — things that make you a good relationship prospect (e.g., you are supportive or emotionally available), a good friend (e.g., you are loyal or a good listener), or a good employee (e.g., you are responsible or have a strong work ethic). Then choose one of them and write a quick paragraph or two (write, don’t just do it in your head) about why the quality matters to others, and how you would express it in the relevant situation. Applying emotional first aid in this way will boost your self-esteem, reduce your emotional pain and build your confidence going forward.

Boost Feelings of Social Connection As social animals, we need to feel wanted and valued by the various social groups with which we are affiliated. Rejection destabilizes our need to belong, leaving us feeling unsettled and socially untethered. Therefore, we need to remind ourselves that we’re appreciated and loved so we can feel more connected and grounded. If your work colleagues didn’t invite you to lunch, grab a drink with members of your softball team instead. If your kid gets rejected by a friend, make a plan for them to meet a different friend instead and as soon as possible. And when a first date doesn’t return your texts, call your grandparents and remind yourself that your voice alone brings joy to others.

Rejection is never easy but knowing how to limit the psychological damage it inflicts, and how to rebuild your self-esteem when it happens, will help you recover sooner and move on with confidence when it is time for your next date or social event.

So now we know about rejection- we have the fear of Rejection: There are so many definitions of Fear- The English version of the Oxford Dictionary describes fear as Definition of fear - an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

I personally like my definition- FEAR- False evidence appearing real!

So the bottom line is this rejection- real? Is this fear of rejection real? I honestly believe that things are presented to us for a reason- the reason most often is making us recognize that there is something inside of us- that needs to be healed. Most often times it is not the person or the situation but we have to own it as ours. Now I know this is the hardest thing to do- but really look at it and ask WHY? Why am I feeling this way? What is inside of me that is making me feel rejected- by a post on Facebook- By a comment from a friend- from rumors that are spread about you that are distorted or not true. Evaluate- how you are feeling about yourself? And then go right back to our step: REVIVE your Self Worth and watch your attitude change! Remember always- that nothing happens by coincidence- it all happens for a reason- OK we do not know the big picture- but take charge and try to figure out- What in your life- in your mental wellbeing that needs cleaned up or discarded. Always remember that

YOU ARE GOOD STUFF! Appreciate it everyday!